I want to write today and I want to write something that makes sense or means something to somebody, but I can’t. My head is filled with so many thoughts and questions and I am in a situation that I do not know how to fix.
My heart is broken and not because someone I loved has left or passed away. I’m heartbroken because a of choice somebody made to further their “popularity” and because of their need to please not only by kissing ass but by twisting things in such a way that they come out the hero. It wouldn’t hurt so much if I didn’t realise that for the first time I showed a “weakness” the weakness of being human, it wasn’t seen in shared joy or compassion it was seen as the opportune time to slay me with a sword of fear. I know this person is threatened by me, by my abilities, by my ethics, problem is she fails to realise that we have very different tasks and abilities and knowledge, and I don’t have her knowledge or abilities, how then am I a threat?
What hurts more is the fact that this was believed without question. I was not given a chance to defend myself or put forward an alternative point of view. I thought the people who were listening to her, were of a higher calibre, that picture has been shattered. I now know that my inability and refusal to be manipulative, deceptive and self promoting at the expense of others, has literally resulted in me being completely broken down to a rumour. This would not have such a huge effect on me except that those I held in high regard, those whose trust in me was of importance chose to listen to what can only be called “utter bullcrap”. It wouldn’t hurt so much, if I hadn’t worked ten times harder than anyone I know to prove myself, to grow myself, to make sure that those people I respected got the best out of me. And now without question or consideration, I am relegated to the bottom of the pile.
It wouldn’t hurt so much if the matter had remained confidential and not strewn around like an article in one of those trash magazines, and we all know that that cannot be taken back. Seeds have been planted, and I will forever be known by this nonexistent truth. The perception now rules the truth.
Always consider consequences, directly and indirectly. What we choose today can ruin somebody tomorrow.