Where the hell have I been – chaos disorder – a rant of sorts


My life isn’t making sense anymore,

I’m caught in a whirlwind of chaos, not all bad, but chaos nonetheless.

Everything was planned and organised and neat and busy and then I realised the busy was almost over and I could rest, the universe she saw this and decided resting would not do and she threw a curveball…..  correction, curveballs…….. more precisely a bunch of damn grenades.

I’m dodging and diving and running and fighting and for now I’m okay but I see a world of padded rooms and huggy jackets if it goes on any longer. For example, this weekend is the first weekend after my exams and I planned to stay in my pj’s, eat copious amounts of ice cream and watch series, I figured Wednesday and Thursday night would be a good warm up …. get home do nothing… try this relaxing thing…. well, no. I had to get involved in finding a lost dogs owners, I landed up with a four week old blind kitten and had to find it a home, I had to do 3-4 hour feeds with said new kitten through the night. I’m a little tired today. Keep in mind that last weekend I adopted two of my own kittens, one still being too young (rescue cats), so there is special food for each of the cats I have at the moment. Old lady Tish 16 years (special senior anti furball food), Shadow, 3 months old – the easiest he will eat anything, Harry, 5 weeks still on chicken liver and rice diet, with special vet food for weaning kittens, blind baby, milking kit.  Tonight I have to get blind kitty to his new home, I have to wrap Santa shoeboxes for the children’s home, I have to pick up the donations for an animal welfare collection and somewhere in between all that I need to eat shower, spend playtime with kittens and make sure my Tishcat gets some cuddles.

Work has been one urgent thing after another, and I’m trying to be nicer at work, which is a huge strain on my non-filtered mouth and even more so on my “OMG is everyone stupid?” attitude.

To add to that I have a housemate who keeps insisting I need to sit and watch tv with him, preferably a movie…. dear thor where the hell am I supposed find 2 hours to sit and watch a movie, plus he is a comedy guy, I don’t really do comedy unless it’s British… I don’t have a sense of slapstick humour, I find wit humorous.  He is, however, being annoyingly persistent which will end badly. In psychological terms I have traits of OCPD and perhaps to be honest, Schizoid personality traits (if you aren’t a psychology boff, look that up, it’s pretty interesting); I just don’t like people; or social interaction with them, or emotional connection, look I just don’t like people in general.

So the weekend would be good right, I can rest and relax, oh no no no no, I go and get involved in a protest, a goods delivery to a children’s home, a present drop off for a charity party…. please all note, I drive a scooter, not a car, so these will be more than one trip….

It’s been a rough little while ……………… and I know the universe is trying to tell me something or teach me something, but hell I think she is speaking Sanskrit, because I’m just not understanding.

I really want to run into the middle of the main road outside, hold my hands up to the heavens and scream “WTF do you want from me”, but knowing me I will probably trip and face plant in front of everybody…..


About Christie Marie Ginja Kruger

Orenda (huron)The power of human will to change the world. Set up as an opposing force to fate or destiny. If powerful forces beyond your control are trying to force a particular outcomes, orenda is a kind of vocalised summoning of personal strength to change this. A giant child, trying to find my purpose, without losing sight of all things beautiful. View all posts by Christie Marie Ginja Kruger

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