I Choose to say Goodbye

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.
Wayne Dyer

 

Yesterday, being a rather emotional day, one where I didn’t have the control I normally have, where music says too much, and you grieve the people you miss and you cry for no reason and every reason, I was taught two lessons, by two very different people. Both have completely different roles in my life, one who probably knows everything about me, inside and out, who once saved me from myself and then proceeded to break me in a way I hadn’t quite broken before. The other someone who I have met, briefly and occasionally, and with whom I have a somewhat written relationship, a fellow lover of beautiful things and wondrous words, someone, far more intelligent than I, which I am loathe to admit by the way.

 

Two people in polar opposite ways changed my day. Both brought me to tears. The person who knows me best, again tossed me aside, and the other drew me in. One made me feel that my emotions were nothing more than a waste of time and my tears ran at his cold indifference, and the other, whose words, so beautiful, cut so close to home that my emotion spilled into tears of relief.

 

I’m a firm believer that everyone plays a part in teaching you, in helping you choose who you want to be. I made two choices last night, one to let go of the person who brings me to my knees in tears and grief more often than I would ever admit, my shower having seen far more than my naked body, but that of my naked grieving soul too many times to count. The other was to be grateful for a friend, although not known well to me socially but known to me in understanding and sharing.

 

The lessons.

 

  1. When people show you their true colours, don’t try to re-paint them.

  2. When people show you their souls, appreciate how much of a gift that is.

 

So this morning when I awoke, the pain had dulled to a mere sporadic throb and I looked to the day realising that I have to keep moving forward, I’ve done it before, I have always done it. I have overcome struggles that have required me to focus on positivity and courage and perseverance and more than that, hope. I have survived so far, I have not died from a broken heart or illnesses that could have taken me, I have not ever fallen down and failed to get back up. I am blessed. I am truly blessed. And if I am to be truly honest, the people who knelt down to help me up have been the ones least expected, as have the ones that have knocked me down and tried to keep me there.

 

So it is time. I may take the person I have loved and lost with me, but only in memory and in heart, there is no space in my life for him any more. In the words of probably one of the most incredible songs ever written:

 

Time to say goodbye paesi che non ho mai
Veduto e vissuto con te adesso si li vivro
Con te partiro su navi per mari che, io lo so
No, no, non esistono piu con te io li rivivro

Advertisements

About Christie Marie Ginja Kruger

Orenda (huron)The power of human will to change the world. Set up as an opposing force to fate or destiny. If powerful forces beyond your control are trying to force a particular outcomes, orenda is a kind of vocalised summoning of personal strength to change this. A giant child, trying to find my purpose, without losing sight of all things beautiful. View all posts by Christie Marie Ginja Kruger

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Rebelle Life

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

MIRACLES EACH DAY

Devotionals on A COURSE IN MIRACLES and A COURSE OF LOVE. . .with Celia Hales

Awakened

These are my thoughts, feelings and words. Welcome to my mind.

Of Love and Longing

...inspired poetry from rambling thoughts...

existence!

Le site de Jean-Paul Galibert

Da Write Chick

To Enlighten, Educate, Entertain, and Evoke Thought

Ramblings of a Mad Kat

To help the voices escape.

Musings of a Wayward Gypsy

My year of living poetically.

Abby Has Issues

I have issues. So do you.

REAL LIFE IN A BLOG

COURAGE GRATITUDE DETERMINATION

Hold Hands With Me

Musings of an African Hippie

The Observing Vessel's Blog

Observations, thoughts and general incoherant ramblings of a nutter.

%d bloggers like this: