Enter the monster that consumes my bliss;
Black shadows roll in and drown my happiness;
With practiced perfection I smile to eyes
That cannot see deeper than their own cries.
Enter the truth, wielding its sword;
Slicing denial, the emotions do pour
Into a pillow, the safest of cages
One day I will write those tears onto pages.
My movie of wishes is fading from mind;
What future is this that love cannot find?
The tremor, the lump that my throat tightens around
The feelings I wish I had never found.
I swallow the scream and block out the cold
This heart of mine is a story untold.
I paint over the pain with a bright sunny streak;
This anguish I feel can never speak.
I smile for the cameras, the eyes that seek weak
And listen intently while the whole world speaks
Of their hurt and their pain and unfairness of life
While I am cut deeply by life’s cruel knife.
I stand tall, my decision solid,
That I would love without requirement
This is my choice to set love free
This pain is a decision that I made for me.
This moment is my self-made reality.
© Christie Marie Kruger 2014