Tag Archives: anguish

Truth in Mysterious Code (I posted this in October when I had one follower… so here it is again)

In a physical pain without diagnosis or cause;

through the journey of lucidity and further to dreamscape;

the clarity of concious and subconscious

unifying in truth It is now known to me.

I question my motives;

and comprehension descends

Of my self denial;

Why can I not read or feel the connection,

it has slowly weakened;

Why is my body racked with pain that jolts me in waves of torture;

Had I denied you so much;

Do I deny myself so much;

Committed to my own certainty of platonic adoration; and respectful love;

I am told that I must deny my heart and so I bury it beneath something larger than I;

And here now I stand with two truths;

equal disasters equal ecstasy

and I stand

I cannot;

will not

shall not move. © Christie Marie Kruger 2013

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You don’t know

In the midst of chaos and disorder, I find a quiet place;

That place is you.

You don’t know that and you probably never will.

Sometimes on a day where I feel I am swimming aimlessly in an ocean of confusion;

You are a lighthouse.

When I begin to fail in humility and start climbing on to my high horse of self-absorption and self-importance;

You remind me of who I really am and who I strive to be.

You don’t know that and you probably never will.

There are days when  I am filled with remorse and anguish and I spend all my time looking backward at  bygones that can’t be changed, that I don’t understand, filled with “what-if” and “why”, when I distort the memories and fail to realistically see the truth that I somehow want to transform into a lost perfection;

You call me to the present, to the moment and remind me I am not alone.

In times where I feel my frustration rising and the negativity around me and within  me threatens to swallow me whole and spit me out as a angry nasty troll, you fill me with quiet laughter, and hidden smiles and you compel me to catch sight of the magnificence  and beauty that can be found around me;

You don’t know that and you probably never will.


Stranger

In the time of our need

To understand the turmoil

We look to find the tranquility of self

We look to the conflict

Trying to unravel the enigma of malice

We pursue the raison d’être

In our moment of quest

We see the dark side of anguish

We look for the reason

In our moment of melancholy and sorrow

We yearn toward that which may comfort us

We yearn for the ones who will hold us

We yearn for the ones who will guide us

We yearn for those who will help us stand

As we are weighed down by that which drowns us

I have found comfort in the words of a stranger

It cannot be explained

I have no valid reason for the relief I find here

Perhaps in this place, I find a friend, an equal

I find my voice

I am seduced by the freedom of revealing my soul

And a stranger has unchained my fear. © Christie Marie Kruger


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