Tag Archives: awareness

Shadow girl

Shadow girl

She no longer sobbed uncontrollably. She had no energy for passionate tears, instead, at times, her tears would escape the padlocked box where emotions are kept and they would run down her face catching her by surprise.

It was that awkward stage of grief where hope still lingers. A place she knew she may never return from.

A shadow hiding in half light, waiting for the darkness to descend and yet hoping the sun would fail to sleep, just this one time.

Her head and heart in violent battle tearing each other apart like rabid dogs and all she could do was stand still. Helpless but not hopeless, alone.

Surrounded by someone else’s demons coaxing hers to come out and play.

So she stood not sure of up and down and left and right and in and out and everything kept spinning in silence around and she wished there was a soundtrack so she could figure out what was coming next.

At times the darkness began to drown her but a crack of light would filter through just enough to tease her into believing.

But the corner where she could be seen grew smaller, she watched herself being swallowed by the dark. This silent movie of the shadow girl.

Trapped in limbo between the night and the light fighting demons that were not her own.

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I was smarter in 2006

Answers In the most silent of silences, in the most peaceful peace. This is where our souls grow. Some choose to live in self created chaos, self manipulating their own minds to believe that turbulence brings growth and learning. Only in the silence; in our most serene moments do we truly grow, for it is only then we are as one with souls and purpose. Some are afraid that their lives are meaningless or that they are not moving forward if there days are not filled with ecstasy and angst. Only in calm contentment do we find ourselves. In angst and ecstasy we are merely exaggerated and invented masks of ourselves and in this chaos we lose who we truly are. It is true that our hours of angst and ecstasy may be that catalyst which creates the awareness of the need to grow, but it is necessary to sit in silence to reflect and truly ground ourselves, this is not in moments but in time. If we jump continuously between angst and ecstasy, angst to angst, ecstasy to ecstasy, if we use others to fill voids, if we use the noise of the world we live in to block our hurt and grief, we merely create an endless streaming torrent of questions for which we will never find time to unearth answers. © Christie Marie Kruger


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