She no longer sobbed uncontrollably. She had no energy for passionate tears, instead, at times, her tears would escape the padlocked box where emotions are kept and they would run down her face catching her by surprise.
It was that awkward stage of grief where hope still lingers. A place she knew she may never return from.
A shadow hiding in half light, waiting for the darkness to descend and yet hoping the sun would fail to sleep, just this one time.
Her head and heart in violent battle tearing each other apart like rabid dogs and all she could do was stand still. Helpless but not hopeless, alone.
Surrounded by someone else’s demons coaxing hers to come out and play.
So she stood not sure of up and down and left and right and in and out and everything kept spinning in silence around and she wished there was a soundtrack so she could figure out what was coming next.
At times the darkness began to drown her but a crack of light would filter through just enough to tease her into believing.
But the corner where she could be seen grew smaller, she watched herself being swallowed by the dark. This silent movie of the shadow girl.
Trapped in limbo between the night and the light fighting demons that were not her own.
In this moment
it has changed
a path ne’er known to me
has shown itself
I cannot see but for a few steps ahead
but I know it is leading me
to the unknown
to the destination not planned
I am stumbling still keeping one eye on the path I have designed
wondering and wandering in a circle
confused by the fear of change
stomach knotted afraid of choice
questioning the purpose of life’s strange intervention
test or quest? I am unarmed and without compass
fate, fear, future, failure
the winds of change are whispering
the unknown brambled path shown
© Christie Marie Kruger
© Christie Marie Kruger
Am I veiled
Beneath a practiced perfection
Am I hidden
Masked by your perception
Am I seen
As the being I am
Or as the world sees me
Am I heard
In what I articulate
Or as you desire to hear me
I am spirit.
I am essence.
I am worthy.
I choose to love.
I choose to soar.
I choose to have faith.
I am the idealist that upsets your cup of hate and spite.
I am the lover that walks away from your fight.
I am the dreamer that doesn’t heed your shattering words.
I am the child that embraced a school of thought that fills me with harmony.© Christie Marie Kruger
As I pulled away and drifted, across my vision sea I felt the change in you; the same was not for me. I feel pain in joy such joy in pain; the human spirit sustains with the greater power to free others and bind yourself its a choice of selfless knowing of a never ending hollow that will be filled with naught I feel pain in your joy; joy in my pain; for freedom truly is a gift an ultimate sacrifice; for never are the rewards equal but one will suffer for another and so shall the world turn the balance is sustained by such and perhaps in time equality in freedom shall be gained by truth in translucent acceptance and open mindedness. © Christie Marie Kruger