Tag Archives: love

the love

Once I fell in love madly. Love at first sight. We were flawed, with open wounds. We went our separate ways, searching for ourselves.

Once I fell in love slowly and steadily in a friendship that blossomed and grew. Two people finding out how to love ourselves and somehow in between our love entwined and created a bond.

I did not fall in love with two different people. I fell in love with one person twice.

I fell in love with crazy singing in the car, shared pizzas, running naked through waterfalls, sliding in mud. I fell in love with a person who wasn’t afraid of his dreams no matter how daunting, a person who challenges my insecurities, forces me to grow by leaping despite fear. I fell in love with the way he holds my hand, and laughs at me and with me. I fell in love with the way he doesn’t laugh at me falling over things that aren’t there, nor does he run to rescue me from my clumsiness, but rather how he just holds out his hand to help me up.

I fell in love with a mind speeding faster than mine, with a multitude of open google tabs, literally and figuratively. I fell in love with the way he says “I understand” and means it. I love the way he hugs me so hard I cannot breathe, the way he pulls me close when I lest expect it. The way he runs his fingers up my spine when he is standing close.

I fell in love with the quiet moments where nothing was said, but the silence didn’t matter. I fell in love with the way he gently brushes my hair from my face as I am falling asleep and the way he  calls me beautiful first thing in the morning and tells me my hair is “full bodied” when it in fact looks like a mini chewbacca is attached to my head.

I love talking about everything and nothing. I love the small things and the moments that are just ours. I love the way he forgives and tries to understand everyone rather than judge them.  

I am in love with my best friend.

 


AN INAPPROPRIATE LOVE SONG

AN INAPPROPRIATE LOVE SONG

I fall into love

You may say in love

I say fall into love

It’s a rabbit hole

I am Alice and I have lost my mind and I’m too late

I see you in the looking glass

And I feel your lips touch mine

I am on fire

And you don’t know but I stalk you with my daydreams

I imagine the conversations that wrap me up tenderly

And make love with my soul

That caress me with understanding and lips

And fingertips gently reading me like a blind man exploring

A velvet painting

You may say in love

I say fall into love

I feel you, the tips of my fingers stroking the satin smooth skin at the base of your back  

And I tremble

As your arms pull me into the wonderland of your mind

And I am taken by you

Into love and ecstasy

The butterflies in my stomach

Settle as the day dream gives way

But I am haunted

By you

 

© Christie Marie Kruger 2014


Cherry Blossom Spring

cherry_blossom_004 http://www.vanishingtattoo.com/tds/tattoos_designs_symbols_flower_cherryblossom_inspiration.htm

 

Clipping the wings of romanticised dreams

Reminded to see things just as they seem

The voice in your head that hints to your heart

Time to build a small wall so you don’t fall apart

Clipping the wings of an idealised love

Prevent tears that blend with rain from above

The knot in your belly tells you a tale

True love often its path does fail

You cannot wait for Cherry Blossom spring

If by autumn the heart knows what winter will bring.

© Christie Marie Kruger 2014


Gifts without ribbons

You will haunt me all my days

Your essence etched in to my soul

As I bid you farewell

I absorb the pain of letting you go into the hope of freedom I have for you

I will love you all the days of my life and honour that which you have taught me.

I will carry with me all the love you have shown me and the world you have opened my eyes to

I will use the lessons you have gifted me to move forward in my life knowing that love does not own or possess or tie down, but encourages, nurtures and respects

That life is a sequence of miracles, opportunities and adventures;

To be curious and childlike, to be fearless and gentle.

To be unique and steadfast in honouring my dreams and who I am. 

You have taught me to love freely, to dream big, to laugh loudly, to be passionately curious and to never give up on what I want no matter who says it’s impossible, no matter who says it isn’t “normal”.

You have been my lover, my friend, my challenger, my hero, my teacher.

Now it’s time for you to fly and become all you are destined to be.

And one day everyone else will understand that letting you go was the greatest gift of love I felt could give you.

 

© Christie Marie Kruger 2014


Learning

Gosh it’s been a rough week, but I have learned a lot. I learned that I will defend those I love come hell or high water, that I have a real loathing for bullies and close minded people. I have faced a heartbreaking situation where I have seen a family falling apart at the seams and been saddened deeply, to my innermost core by how people can be manipulated in such a way they fail to see what they are losing.

I have realised what true love is, the love I have for my family and my deep belief that they always come first, especially siblings. These are the people that have known you your whole life and moving into the future they will be in your life longer than anyone else, they will know you better than anyone else, they know everything that has formed you, good and bad. Siblings are your constant. My brother lives far away, and I don’t get to see him often and I miss him terribly. I also know that I would never allow anyone to come between us, EVER.  

To watch another pair of siblings drift apart, this giant rift forming between them in such a way I am not sure the wounds will ever properly heal has had me heartbroken today.

And I am angry. I am angry that close mindedness and the inability of some people to even consider another point of view has resulted in fear and anger and heartbreak and anxiety.

I am angry that some people think there is only one right way to live life, theirs. That they have all the answers, that they think they can “fix” someone by breaking them down, by power playing people, by manipulating and creating situation so unbearable that they inflict wounds on good people.

 I learned that I cannot be bullied. That I will raise my voice and scream and point fingers and say whatever the hell I need to say to defend and protect a person’s uniqueness, individuality and their good nature. I am the person that will stand and face the bully, I will stand and face self righteous indignation and I will point it out again and again and I don’t care that they get upset, they should be upset and I don’t care that those wearing rose-coloured glasses cannot see the truth, because the truth will always be there and it will always rear its ugly head. Time has a way of stripping away all the crap that covers the real ugly damn truth.

I learned that I love someone so deeply I would fight to the death for them. That I will fight for them to be who they are without the judgement of the ignorant and self righteous and the ego filled bullies.  And I don’t care if the truth upsets the bully, and I don’t care how the bully manipulates the circumstances of the situation to make themselves the hero, because that facade with crumble at the persistence of truth at the strength of authentic love. 

But my heart breaks for the loss that someone fails to see and how in time, that loss will be felt as grief and regret.


Truth in Mysterious Code (I posted this in October when I had one follower… so here it is again)

In a physical pain without diagnosis or cause;

through the journey of lucidity and further to dreamscape;

the clarity of concious and subconscious

unifying in truth It is now known to me.

I question my motives;

and comprehension descends

Of my self denial;

Why can I not read or feel the connection,

it has slowly weakened;

Why is my body racked with pain that jolts me in waves of torture;

Had I denied you so much;

Do I deny myself so much;

Committed to my own certainty of platonic adoration; and respectful love;

I am told that I must deny my heart and so I bury it beneath something larger than I;

And here now I stand with two truths;

equal disasters equal ecstasy

and I stand

I cannot;

will not

shall not move. © Christie Marie Kruger 2013


One Month

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Dear Charlie Brown

Well here we are again.

This time is different though, because we only have one month.

One month to love without expectation.

One month to live in the moment, without looking back or forward.

One month to spend together before it’s over, before you spread your wings and fly off into your life.

You will always be my favourite hello and worst goodbye, so I won’t think about that. I will focus on us, on fun times and childlike games, on making memories.

I want to swim in the rain and walk on moonlit beaches.

I want to spend money I shouldn’t, playing arcade games and eat food that goes straight to my hips.

I want to go to sleep listening to your heart beat

A perfect rhythm that rocks me to sleep like a lullaby.

I want to wake up with our legs entwined and our bodies saying a prayer.

No promises, no lies.

Just you and me against the world.  As it always is with us.

One month to listen to your mind race in a hundred different directions, making perfect sense to only me.

One month to listen to your laugh, to have you smile and know it’s for me and about me. One month.

One month to smother each other in a love so deep, we have always been afraid to show it.

One month to love each other without that fear, a free love,

Like soulmates meeting and passing on a journey of a thousand steps, we stand on this step for one month, then continue into our lives, with just the essence of each other creeping into our dreams at night to hold us in the comfort that we once loved without chains and boundaries, without expectations.

One month.

One month of dreams come true and laughter that comes from so deep within me I scarcely recognise it as it cascades out of me.

One month. And I will love you. I will love you.

 

Lots of Love

The little Red-haired girl

Image

 

 

 


A Love(ly) conversation

She looked at me with big round eyes and asked “have you ever been in love?”

My mind whirled backward delving in to the past,

“A few times.” I answered, and she looked at me intently and asked “but isn’t there supposed to be just one?”

I smiled and answered, “they were all the one at the time”.

“There was the first one, my first everything, my first love and my first heartbreak, and it tore me to shreds and I lost the self I hadn’t found yet;

Then there was the second one and he put a ring upon my finger and we were happy, ‘till we weren’t, he was the one that made me search for myself.

Then there was the one who loved me so much, he spent his time breaking me to fix me the way he wanted, and that didn’t work, and it broke and tore me to pieces, not so much because he broke my heart, but because I let him break my spirit, he was the one that taught me not to let go of the self I had found.

Then there was the one, oh the one…. the one who lifted me higher than I have ever been, and drove me crazy, and our relationship was on and off, and no matter how hard we tried to resist each other, we failed and kept coming back around to each other. He is still the one, but not for long. He is going away to find himself, and he has taught me that I can let go because I love him, that time together is about the present, not about the past and not about the future.”

She looked confused and scrunched her eyes and bit her lip, trying to stop the words that were bound to fall out. “but some people have just one love, don’t they?”

“Yes”, I replied, “they do, but I think I’m lucky for having a few ones”.

“What will you do when he goes away”? she asked cautiously.

“I will wait a while,” I said, realising the impact of the words to follow, “until he comes back, or until he doesn’t come back, and then, and then I think I may meet the last one.”

“Love sounds horrible,” she said twisting her teddy’s ear.

“It’s glorious,” I answered, “horribly glorious.” She nodded, said “okay” and put her hand over mine, and I smiled and wiped away a tear that had wandered down my cheek and I wished her a life time of love. © Christie Marie Kruger 2013

 


Bumper Cars with Hearts

We’re a tragic comedy of errors and fate;

Too short to ride the roller-coaster, too big for the teacups;

Standing face to face, in a room of trick mirrors;

Yet we reach out and touch hands; then turn our backs to each other;

Still holding gaze in reflection.

The fortune teller says we will be together forever;

we laugh and go our separate ways

and find each other at the same shooting table aiming for the same prize.

We keep going full circle and landing up where we started/ended/started/ended,

the distinction has become blurred,

we’re bumper cars with hearts and tears. © Christie Marie Kruger 2013

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influence by Viktor E Frankl

As a criminology and psychology hons major I find answers in many schools of thought combining them and respecting each on their own merits and to address specific cases and situations, but on a personal level I have found Viktor E Frankl’s existentialism to have had a profound effect on me. Here is a quote that I have always been particularly connected with:

Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. No one can become fully aware of the very essence of another human being unless he loves him. By his love he is enabled to see the essential traits and features in the beloved person; and even more, he sees that which is potential in him, which is not yet actualized but yet ought to be actualized. Furthermore, by his love, the loving person enables the beloved person to actualize these potentialities. By making him aware of what he can be and of what he should become, he makes these potentialities come true.”


― 
Viktor E. FranklMan’s Search for Meaning


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