Tag Archives: poems

Untitled 2006

As I pulled away and drifted, across my vision sea I felt the change in you; the same was not for me. I feel pain in joy such joy in pain; the human spirit sustains with the greater power to free others and bind yourself its a choice of selfless knowing of a never ending hollow that will be filled with naught I feel pain in your joy; joy in my pain; for freedom truly is a gift an ultimate sacrifice; for never are the rewards equal but one will suffer for another and so shall the world turn the balance is sustained by such and perhaps in time equality in freedom shall be gained by truth in translucent acceptance and open mindedness. © Christie Marie Kruger

Advertisements

Saudade

Saudade

Is a Portuguese and Galacian word for a feeling of nostalgic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost. It often carries a fatalistic tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never really return. It was once described as “the love that remains” or “the love that stays” after someone is gone.

I have had a few days where I have been reminded of the power of words. Slam poets and friend’s beautiful prose which reached inside me and slammed my heart against my brain. Why did stop writing. I know the answer but it’s hard to admit, to admit that I don’t process emotion like I used to. Broken hearts and corporate coldness taught me to handle emotion differently. During my “wild” years my emotions ran high and low and twisted about like a tornado in an empty field. I say my wild years, but I think those were my honest years. For thirty one years I was ruled by my heart and then I chose my head as CEO. So was it the words of others that prompted me to write? Perhaps, I know those words got me thinking. The final push was today learning that my “first love”, “long lost love”, “the one that got away”, told me he has become a dad. For seventeen years I have held onto this small sliver of hope. For seventeen years he has come to me in my dreams. Then I saw the word “saudade”. As is oft the case translation loses a words true emotional state, the translation I found ripped me to the core. When I heard the news I drowned in saudade and there I found a part of me that I had lost.

So I lost “the one” and I looked around and thought what else have I lost that I should have been holding onto and the answer slammed me backwards into myself and I thought where do I put these feelings, what do I do with the tears I cannot cry? Is there any more space in me to put emotion into boxes that remain unopened and unacknowledged? No. There is no more space, my feelings have to find freedom. So welcome to my blog. A place I hope I can be myself, and feel all that I feel. This is no place for boxes and rules and limits. This is my heart in words.


Rebelle Life

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

MIRACLES EACH DAY

An Occasional Blog on A COURSE IN MIRACLES and A COURSE OF LOVE . . .with Celia Hales

Erika Fuego

To Love Yourself is your Greatest Revolution.

Of Love and Longing

...inspired poetry from rambling thoughts...

existence !

blog de philosophie imprévisible, dir. Jean-Paul Galibert

Da Write Chick

To Enlighten, Educate, Entertain, and Evoke Thought

Ramblings of a Mad Kat

To help the voices escape.

Musings of a Wayward Gypsy

My year of living poetically.

Abby Has Issues

I have issues. So do you.

Hold Hands With Me

Musings of an African Hippie

The Observing Vessel's Blog

Observations, thoughts and general incoherant ramblings of a nutter.

%d bloggers like this: