Truth in Mysterious Code (I posted this in October when I had one follower… so here it is again)

In a physical pain without diagnosis or cause;

through the journey of lucidity and further to dreamscape;

the clarity of concious and subconscious

unifying in truth It is now known to me.

I question my motives;

and comprehension descends

Of my self denial;

Why can I not read or feel the connection,

it has slowly weakened;

Why is my body racked with pain that jolts me in waves of torture;

Had I denied you so much;

Do I deny myself so much;

Committed to my own certainty of platonic adoration; and respectful love;

I am told that I must deny my heart and so I bury it beneath something larger than I;

And here now I stand with two truths;

equal disasters equal ecstasy

and I stand

I cannot;

will not

shall not move. © Christie Marie Kruger 2013

The third nomination –

and……another one!

The third award nominated to me is the WORDPRESS FAMILY AWARD by Die Trying again, a Giant Thank You for this nomination.

What is the WordPress Family award

This is an award for everyone who is part of the “Word Press Family” I start this award on the basis that the WordPress family has taken me in, and showed me love and a caring side only WordPress can. The way people take a second to be nice, to answer a question and not make things a competition amazes me here. I know I have been given many awards, but I wanted to leave my own legacy on here by creating my own award, as many have done before. This represents “Family” we never meet, but are there for us as family.

Rules:

1. Display the award logo on your blog – Done

2. Link back to the person who nominated you – Done

3. Nominate 10 others you see as having an impact on your wordpress experience and family – I have nominated 4

4. Let your 10 Family members know you have awarded them – Will do

5. That is it. Just please pick 10 people that have taken you as a friend, and spread the love

These bloggers have really been family to me:

http://observingvessel.wordpress.com/:

This Blogger has become a dear friend, his writing inspires me, motivates me.

http://deirdreamy.wordpress.com/

Ramblings of a restless wonderer – great writing, great humour by an amazing woman who is a dear dear friend. Someone I admire so much.

http://dietrying999.wordpress.com/

A constant source of wisdom. Definitely a family member to me, encouraging me and inspiring me.

http://troubled07.wordpress.com/

My baby sister in the blog world, her writing reminds me to look at myself and what is really important.

The Imagine award

Again, so very honoured to be nominated for this award, which means so much to me. I was nominated by

http://dietrying999.wordpress.com

Die Trying was one of the first blogs I started following. This Blog is genuinely honest, one of those where, when reading, I often find myself saying “oh, I thought I was the only one.” I have garnished valuable advice from the blog, and a damn good chuckle or two as well. The woman behind the Blog is not just beautiful, but wise as well. She opens up her heart and lets you look inside, which is a comfort because often I see myself in the open heart and I take great comfort in that. I am truly honoured that Die Trying nominated me.

My nominations for this award are:

http://observingvessel.wordpress.com

A blog of beautiful writing, beautiful photo’s and an honesty that is quite unlike I have read before.

http://deirdreamy.wordpress.com/

Ramblings of a restless wonderer – great writing, great humour by an amazing woman.

http://poemsandpeople.wordpress.com/

Probably my favourite poet blogger, amazing writing. Beautiful use of the English language.

http://erikafuego.wordpress.com/

Honest relatable writing that gets you thinking about yourself.

http://ramblingpoetry.wordpress.com/

Beautiful prose.

What is The Imagine Award?

“The Imagine Award” is an award created by Jenn Mulherin (who is the writer of the blog “My Fibrotastic Life!”) in October of 2013. This award was made in order to recognize the bloggers who express their passion and dedication towards their blogs through their creativity.

How is creativity found in a blog?

Just like beauty, creativity is in the eye of the beholder. There are many unique ways which bloggers can express their creativity. Creativity can be displayed through:

Words (such as writing fictional stories or real life experiences, poetry, quotes, using metaphors, etc.)
Pictures (this can include photos, comics, computer-drawn pictures, etc.)
Videos
The layout of the blog page
The degree of creativity is one of the qualities in a blog which not only draws more readers, but it shows how much the blogger cares about their blog. The caretaking of a blog is like taking care of a plant. In order to keep it healthy and growing, you need to feed the blog with your ideas and give it a lot of love.

If I am nominated for The Imagine Award…then what??

In your post which is dedicated to your award…

1. Copy and paste the award to your post.
2. Thank the blogger who nominated you and link their blog page to your post.
3. List 3-5 things about the nominator’s blog that you like (which you think are very creative).
4. Nominate 5 other bloggers/blogs which you think display a fantastic use of creativity and imagination.
5. Notify your nominees.
6. Copy and paste The Imagine Award to your blog page.

Nomination Part 2

Continuing on from yesterday…. Here are my nominations for the Versatile Blogger award!

http://observingvessel.wordpress.com/:

A blog of beautiful writing, beautiful photo’s and an honesty that is quite unlike anything I have ever read before.

http://holdhandswithme.wordpress.com/

A human Rights blog focusing on women in Africa, talented writer and pertinent issues.

http://deirdreamy.wordpress.com/

Ramblings of a restless wonderer – great writing, great humour by an amazing woman.

http://poemsandpeople.wordpress.com/

Probably my favourite poet blogger, amazing writing. Beautiful use of the English language.

http://erikafuego.wordpress.com/

Honest relatable writing that gets you thinking about yourself.

Thank you all for your inspiring writing.

http://versatilebloggeraward.wordpress.com/vba-rules/

Nominations

I was overwhelmed this week to be nominated for Blogger awards this week by the incredible http://dietrying999.wordpress.com/ – Die Trying, an inspired living blog. I only realised today that there are certain rules I have to follow:

Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy. – I don’t quite think I can put my gratitude into words, I’m honoured to have your support.
Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it – Done
Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly. ( I would add, pick blogs or bloggers that are excellent!) – TBA
Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site – Done
Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself – OK… here goes:

1) I was born in Zimbabwe, to an English/Dutch father and a Spanish/English mother.

2) I am an authentic redhead.

3) I will probably be a student until I die, racking up degrees is a passion not a need, I am unable to stop learning.

4) My favourite modern poet is Anis Mojgani and my all time favourite poets are Poe and Auden.

5) I work in an professional Auditing firm dealing with Company law, and despite my piercings, tattoos and the fact that I drive a scooter and wear a leather jacket, am considered professional. (crazy, but professional)

6) I have three cats, am single and in my mid-thirties and am damn proud to be an independently owned and operated cat lady.

7) I have a brother who is my hero, just because he is awesome!!

I will post my nominations tomorrow 🙂

One Month

Dear Charlie Brown

Well here we are again.

This time is different though, because we only have one month.

One month to love without expectation.

One month to live in the moment, without looking back or forward.

One month to spend together before it’s over, before you spread your wings and fly off into your life.

You will always be my favourite hello and worst goodbye, so I won’t think about that. I will focus on us, on fun times and childlike games, on making memories.

I want to swim in the rain and walk on moonlit beaches.

I want to spend money I shouldn’t, playing arcade games and eat food that goes straight to my hips.

I want to go to sleep listening to your heart beat

A perfect rhythm that rocks me to sleep like a lullaby.

I want to wake up with our legs entwined and our bodies saying a prayer.

No promises, no lies.

Just you and me against the world. As it always is with us.

One month to listen to your mind race in a hundred different directions, making perfect sense to only me.

One month to listen to your laugh, to have you smile and know it’s for me and about me. One month.

One month to smother each other in a love so deep, we have always been afraid to show it.

One month to love each other without that fear, a free love,

Like soulmates meeting and passing on a journey of a thousand steps, we stand on this step for one month, then continue into our lives, with just the essence of each other creeping into our dreams at night to hold us in the comfort that we once loved without chains and boundaries, without expectations.

One month.

One month of dreams come true and laughter that comes from so deep within me I scarcely recognise it as it cascades out of me.

One month. And I will love you. I will love you.

Lots of Love

The little Red-haired girl

A Love(ly) conversation

She looked at me with big round eyes and asked “have you ever been in love?”

My mind whirled backward delving into the past.

“A few times”, I answered, and she looked at me intently and asked “but isn’t there supposed to be just one?”

I smiled and answered, “they were all the one at the time”.

“There was the first one, my first everything, my first love and my first heartbreak, and it tore me to shreds and I lost the self I hadn’t found yet.

Then there was the second one and he put a ring on my finger and we were happy, ‘till we weren’t, he was the one that made me search for myself.

Then there was the one who loved me so much, he spent his time breaking me to fix me the way he wanted, and that didn’t work, and it broke and tore me to pieces, not so much because he broke my heart, but because I let him break my spirit. He was the one that taught me not to let go of the self I had found.

Then there was the one, oh the one…. the one who lifted me higher than I have ever been, and drove me crazy, and our relationship was on and off, and no matter how hard we tried to resist each other, we failed and kept coming back around to each other. He is still the one, but not for long. He is going away to find himself, and he has taught me that I can let go because I love him, that time together is about the present, not about the past and not about the future.”

She looked confused and scrunched her eyes and bit her lip, trying to stop the words that were bound to fall out. “but some people have just one love, don’t they?”

“Yes”, I replied, “they do, but I think I’m lucky for having a few ones”.

“What will you do when he goes away?”, she asked cautiously.

“I will wait a while,” I said, realising the impact of the words to follow, “until he comes back, or until he doesn’t come back, and then, and then I think I may meet the last one.”

“Love sounds horrible,” she said twisting her teddy’s ear.

“It’s glorious,” I answered, “horribly glorious.” She nodded, said “okay” and put her hand over mine, and I smiled and wiped away a tear that had wandered down my cheek and I wished her a life time of love.

Bumper Cars with Hearts

We’re a tragic comedy of errors and fate;

Too short to ride the roller-coaster, too big for the teacups;

Standing face to face, in a room of trick mirrors;

Yet we reach out and touch hands; then turn our backs to each other;

Still holding gaze in reflection.

The fortune teller says we will be together forever;

we laugh and go our separate ways

and find each other at the same shooting table aiming for the same prize.

We keep going full circle and landing up where we started/ended/started/ended,

the distinction has become blurred,

A Walk in the Rain

I walked to work in the rain this morning.

It was raining sideways, raining at me not on me, and like life every time I turned a corner it came at me from a different angle, I didn’t mind, I kept walking.

I jumped in a puddle, I jumped in two, there are no adults around, but me, no one to tell me I’ll get sick if I play in the rain, I jumped in all the puddles.

I had my earphones on, a soundtrack to the mini movie I felt I was in. The music was on shuffle, a rocker, a rapper and the song of a violin.

I need mini wipers for my spectacles, the world became blurry in the downpour, light refracted differently and the traffic light became a Christmas tree.

Its Christmas time, it always rains on Christmas day, this year, there will be no adults around, except me. I’m going to watch all the Christmas shows and eat a Christmas lunch from the deli around the corner.

I walked to work in the rain this morning. Jumping in puddles and blinking away the raindrops that stuck to my eyelashes as I stared at a world transformed by water, glass and light, I could have wiped the water off of my spectacles, but I rather liked what I saw. © Christie Marie Kruger 2013

Running

I’m running

Running so fast. Trying to outrun what is behind me, trying to outrun tomorrow while the ghost of your love chases me.

I have to keep running; outrun the shadows of lust and love that swarm around me; outrun the promises that turned into lies because if they catch me

they will entomb me.

So I keep running and my chest burns and salt water drips from my pores and my eyes as my heart rate accelerates trying to keep up with my swift shallow breathing and I keep running.

I keep running. I have to outrun the fingers of memories that threaten to tie me down for eternity

I keep running

I keep running toward what I hope to god is a rainbow and not an illusion I keep running afraid to look back at the mayhem behind me that I had a hand in and I keep running and your voice echoes through me

and I tremble.

I’m running

trying to outrun a fate that will bend around time and catch me.